So working for my new company has made me acutely aware of my coat attire. And not because I think my wardrobe is out of date and I need a new coat. More specifically what I'm wearing and when I'm wearing it.
My awareness started a couple of weeks ago, when those warm days of summer melted into the cool days of fall. You know the days I’m talking about … when the morning temp starts out at like 40, but by afternoon it’s nearly 65. To the veteran Midwesterner – that’s Indian summer … days that should be cherished like a favorite book or (in my sister’s case) a favorite stuffed animal. To those who are used to a warmer climate – well, I guess technically it’s cooler than a hot summer day.
So on one of these seemingly “nice” days, I hopped into the elevator with a fella wearing a winter parka and ear muffs. I was wearing nothing more than my “duck hunter” jacket – and even in that I was sweating. He looked like he was freezing – as if it was 30 below zero out and if he had to spend yet another second outside he was going to die from exposure. HA! I could barely contain myself from laughing at him.
The next day, another cool morning – warm afternoon, I caught my friend Lisa wearing a warmer than the weather called for jacket. I laughed at her too … ALOUD… and I called her out on it. And get this! She’s not even from a warm state. She’s from Delaware for cry-eye! And according to weather.com, our monthly temperature averages only differ by 6 degrees. (see graphic - DBQ is blue)
She claimed she was “damn cold”. Again, I chuckled about that – because I’ve been damn cold wearing a far thinner coat than hers and lived to tell about it.
It was 1996, the first few weeks that I lived in Chicago – staying with my college roommate in her warm and cozy townhouse in Gurnee. I worked in the Loop – and took the train down there. It was a nasty cold – freeze your ass off winter – and my “winter” coat? A trench coat. Unlined. I had mittens and a half a scarf and some really crappy boots too. But none of which prepared me for my first Chicago winter – which, by the way, is like 10,000 times worse than any winter in Dubuque.
So, the first 2 weeks I lived in Gurnee, I got on the train in Libertyville. I had to park about a half mile from the train station and then walk in my less than warm coat to the station. Then when I got downtown, I had a 8 block hike to work – outside, in the howling wind and the "suck all the air out of your lungs" temperatures. So I did that hike back and forth to work for about 8 days in my less than appropriate clothing looking like those people you see on the weather channel – you know the ones….outside in the worst conditions looking like miniature snowmen? Yup, that was me. Then I got busted by some good Samaritans.
First off – one night when I was struggling to walk back to my car heading straight into a wicked gale force wind, a woman that rode on the train with me drove past me, pulled over and demanded that I get into her car. Now I’m not stupid – get into a car with strangers? No fricken way. But umm that particular night it was like 100 degrees below zero and I was FROZEN. So I figured if she was going to kill me – with her two kids and husband in the car – that at least I’d die warm. So I got into her car and they drove me out to where I was parked and then her husband told me about another train station on the same route that I should use that had better parking options – and then even drew me a map so I could find the place the next morning. I hugged these people because literally they saved my life that night.
Then a couple of days later, one of my co-workers – Mary – noticed that my scarf and mittens were crap and took me to the second hand store to buy better ones. So while my coat still wasn’t perfectly winter attire, at least I wasn’t going to lose any digits, ears or lips to frostbite.
Anyway, back to my coat dilemma. So, since 1996, I’ve collected a wide array of coats to survive any weather condition. Here is my current collection and when I would wear such a thing:
Rain coats: I have my CarMax slicker – which I really need to take to the mission because it doesn’t exactly fit me anymore and phooey! I don’t work there anymore – so why am I advertising for them? I hang on to it because it’s my only true raincoat with a hood. It has a mesh lining that provides a little warmth and basically keeps the rain off me. So I keep it, even though my sister thinks I should dump it.
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| Rain Slicker |
My blue golfing jacket – which is good for nothing but maybe –eh, nothing. Okay, it’s an okay jacket when there’s a touch of chill in the air – or maybe sprinkling, but that’s about it. It's remotely waterproof and it's lined, so it does provide a little warmth. I bought it at a hiking store in Oakbrook that was similar to REI - but not REI...because that place is now long gone and REI is still around. And it was kinda expensive. It was a lot of pockets, which is kinda handy. But clearly I bought it when I weighed less...so now it's kinda tight on me.
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| Golf Jacket |
Then I have my “duck hunter” jacket – which I fricken love, even though it’s too big for me and literally is the same color as those safety jackets deer hunters wear. I bought in the spring and picked orange because I liked the color - not even thinking about the hicks around here that hunt defenseless animals for food. I've had many compliments on it from women that appreciate color. It’s surprisingly warm despite having very little lining and I can wear it in spring or fall. The pockets are really deep and perfect for carrying the keys and the cell phone without looking bulky - which is good, cuz I don't need any additional bulk in my life. And everyone can see me coming … mainly because I look like an overstuffed pumpkin when I wear it...so there is no chance of being run-over on my walk into work. I’m like my own safety billboard.
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| Duck Hunter |
Transitional weather coats: When you need more than just a “trench coat” to get by:
My newest purchase is my Barn Jacket. It’s rated for temps 50 degrees to zero by LL Bean. I love it, even though it’s not exactly a dress up coat. It's good for those days when it’s 30 in the morning and 50 in the afternoon. It has 2 pockets that are at the perfect "stick your hands in here to get warm" position (which would be even more perfect with some pocket hand warmers) and then 2 very nice lower pockets that are good for the cell phone and the keys. It's lined with some flannel fabric, just enough to keep me warm, yet not sweating on the walk to work. The only downfall is no hood. I've been wearing this to work nearly every day since I got it and I've gotten several compliments about it. I've even slipped it on when I was cold at meetings and it warmed me up without making me too hot ... another bonus. A very practical purchase and worth every damn cent.
Vests:
I found this red one in my closet when I was taking inventory of what I could take to the mission. Wow, I completely forgot that I had it … which makes me wonder when I wore it last. Clearly I don’t need it anymore – even though I asked for Santa to bring me yet another vest (which I already bought and gave to mom for Santa to give me). Ha! That’s all in the cycle of things – get rid of old things so you can buy more of the same things.
Then I have yet another piece of CarMax clothing hanging out in my closet – my favorite CarMax vest – which is warm as hell, even though it doesn’t have any sleeves. It also has a very cool pocket on the upper left chest that is great for money, keys etc. Nearly every single time I wear it, people joke that it looks like a life jacket. Technically it is kinda puffy – but what the hell? That’s the style now --- puffy down jackets. Puffy down jackets are in all the catalogs now, so I don't get it. Anyway, it doesn't matter anymore because I'm giving this jacket to the mission in a couple of weeks. So someday, so homeless man is going to be wearing this in Dubuque and I'll bet no one makes a comment to him that it looks like a life jacket.
Other Jackets.
So, my dress up winter jacket is my pea coat. Once upon a time, I had a real Naval issued pea coat that I bought at the Navy Exchange at Great Lakes. But it was so fricken heavy that I couldn't wear it. And when I say heavy, I mean physical weight. I guess if I was a sailor swabbing the deck of some ship in the Bering Sea, I'd be glad my pea coat was heavy...because then I'd be warm. But for Joe lay person, "I'm just going to wear this to work" it was too much for me. So after it hung in my closet for a whole year, I gave it to my sister. Pea coats are classic. They never go out of style.
So my current pea coat is "eggplant" or as some idiot that I used to work with said: barney purple. My cousin's daughter knitted me a scarf/hat to go with it. I like this coat, it's warm and the pockets are handy and not bulky. But it's going to have to be dang cold for me to wear it. Like below 32 degrees cold, which as of today, has not happened.
My ski jacket is old. I bought it when I worked at Sports Authority in 1998. It was on the clearance rack at that. Ironically that color scheme must have been very popular with Columbia because I still see it on their coats nearly every year. In fact, this year I was thinking about buying a new ski jacket and when I looked in the catalogs, nearly every manufacturer had some blue,black,yellow combination. So then I decided that for as much as I wear it, I hardly need a new one. This one serves the basic function: keep the wearer warm. It still fits and has a fake hood if I really need it .... so I guess it will live to warm me up another year.
But if it gets really cool...like before zero freeze my ass off cold...ole red has me covered.
I asked for this coat for christmas about 5 years ago. I actually wanted it in brown, because I had a red coat that was similar to this already, but Santa apparently didn't like the brown color and didn't know that I already had a red one and bought me this instead. In the end, it was okay though, I was volunteering at a homeless shelter in North Chicago IL and one day (when it was butt ass freezing out) this women came in from shoveling wearing only a sweat shirt. She tried to act like she wasn't cold, but she was shivering. I was wearing the other red coat, which was a stadium jacket and long. I was getting ready to leave and I thought back to those days when I walked to work wearing that dumb trench coat, freezing my ass off and I just decided that she needed that coat more than I did. Besides, I only had to go to the car and then drive home, so I took it off and gave it to her. She totally started bawling (which of course made me bawl), but I felt really good about it.
Anyway, Ole Red is the mother of all winter coats. It's rated to keep a person warm way below zero. I think this is the same "model" that those guys on the weather channel wear. I didn't wear this coat at all last winter because I didn't think that it got cold enough ... in fact, I actually "gave" the coat to my mother because she was complaining that she didn't have a winter coat. Then I never saw her wear it and made a comment about it and she said it was "too hot". HA! Like I said, its the mother of all winter coats. I might wear this coat at some point this winter, but it will have to be damn cold to do it. And not just 30 degrees cold either. I'm talking like below zero, breath freezes on your face cold.
Last week I was in the elevator with another native Dubuquer and we were commented about the wind that day because it was a little "brisk" outside. I was wearing my barn coat and he had on a coat that was similar to my golf jacket. I said ... I might have to bust out my real winter coat if this keeps up and he started to laugh. He replied: no, don't do it. I don't wear my "real" winter coat until nearly February.
Ha! That's probably when I'll bust out Ole Red too .... and then I'll laugh at those other people who are still freezing, while I'm sweating.
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