Cows, people and the double use flush.

There are a lot of times in life when I think that people are like cows.  For example, we are often herded into large buildings or onto planes -- for cows that would be barns or a cattle truck. We drive the same way to work everyday -- just like a cow -- except they walk along their cow paths to do their stuff. They get up from the warm barn and walk around outside to find the freshest weeds to chew on, mingle with their friends, and then head back to the "yard" for a meal and then go to bed.  As people, we get up, leave our warm houses to go to work, mingle with our friends and look for food.  At night we go home.   See -- just like a cow.  


I think the only advantage a cow has over a person is the restroom facilities.  Cows just go everywhere they dang please and no one really give a crap (literally). They do their business and then move away -- because they know its going to stink.    People have to go to a specific place, which usually stinks regardless and then in some cases have to wait their turn to make the room stink even more.  Then they leave and do nothing to make the room smell better.  


All this pondering about cows came up the other day when I was walking to the restroom at work.  It's a long walk.  Literally.  My building takes up one whole city block and the restrooms are located on the opposite side from where I work.   It's about 94 steps for me to walk from the desk to the john - one way.   Here:  watch the video to see for yourself.  

Dizzy yet?  I am.    


So, while I think that just "going" wherever isn't that practical in the human world -- I think that in general there are some definite musts for any public restrooms.  First off, ventilation fans.  Seriously.  It doesn't matter of the ceiling is 12 feet high.  Stink doesn't rise. Smoke and heat does.  You gotta have a way to get that stuff out ... and out of the building preferably, not into the hallway.  Second:  someone that cleans the room regularly.  People are messy in the restroom ....  they pee on the seat, don't flush, miss the toilet all together with all their bodily fluids, slop water all over the counter and break stuff.  It's just a fact of life.  Not everyone is clean and neat  -- the lack of respect truly scares me at times. 


Third:  The restroom needs to be functional.  Lots of stalls and sinks.  Unlike cows, female people need their own separate space.  Men people -- apparently don't . I can't pee with an audience, so I don't understand the guy thing in the slightest.  But I'm not a man, so I can't comment on what exactly goes on in the men's room.  

  I employ a strategy when I use any restroom.  I check out the number of stalls and then pick one, usually far away from the sinks if possible and between two other empty ones .... so that I can have some pseudo privacy.  It irks me to no end when someone parks themselves in the stall right next too you -- when the room is completely empty.  I get it if the room is full -- but empty, please people, give a little space!


I also give some leeway to "those people" that camp out in their stall for an extra long time.  We all know what's going on ... they're trying to take a crap and they don't want to be all obvious about it. I get that because I've done that.  So whenever I see the door closed with little "movement" from inside the stall, I keep my business in there short and respect that anonymous person for trying to be discrete.  


I think the toilet/toilet paper set up needs to be functional as well.  Lots of toilet paper is a must.  Cutesy little toilet paper covers that make noise every time you try to get at the roll are not.   Like the photo on the below ....  yeah, those covers make the bathroom sleek and modern looking but in the functionality corner -- they are loud and make any covert bathroom activities impossible.  They also make getting the toilet paper out, when say, you are trying to put paper on the seat before you sit down because the toilet seat covers are gone.  (and yeah, I was sitting when I took this picture, so there)

And let's just talk about those toilet seat covers -- I've tried to use them, unsuccessfully - for the simple fact that I don't get them.  Where is the instruction manual for that?  How do they work when the part that goes over the toilet bowl is still attached to the part that covers the seat?  Am I trying supposed to believe that if I just lay that over the seat/bowl and sit down, that parts will detach so my pee goes where it belongs and not on the floor or worse yet my pants?   Since toilet seat covers are clearly beyond the comprehesion of my brain, I'll just stick with putting toilet paper down on the seat.  And while we're on that topic ... I try to do this every time I use the pisser, as my sister calls it ... because I've sat on a wet seat one too many times.  Sick. 

Which brings to me to the next topic -- of restroom norms.  You know, those things we learned in kindergarten ... pick up your mess, share your toys, be kind to others.  Apparently a lot of people forget those rules because at my job, adults need to be reminded of the expectation in the restroom:

I heard a rumor in the building that some disgruntled employee would on purpose plug up the stools. Was that employee 10 years old?  Seriously?  Who had time to do that?   And to what end?  Sick.  I don't know if that story is true ... seems like folklore to me.   But apparently it must hold some truth otherwise these little signs wouldn't be on the back of every door.   It's like the signs that say:  employees must wash their hands before returning to work.  Hand washing should just be common sense -- but we all know that it isn't.  And where are the hand police checkers?   They aren't standing outside the door with a black light that's for sure.  I use a papertowel to open the door after I've finished my business in the pisser  just to protect myself from any unwanted germs. 

Anyway ... then there's other consideration in the restroom.   Most people go in there for a reason.  Like the campers, that stay silent in their stall until the coast is clear.  I was in the public restroom at the mall about a month ago and this chick came into the restroom talking on her cell phone, then went into the stall right next to mine, sat down and farted.  Loud.  All the while not missing a beat on her conversation.   I don't know about you ... but I'm not going to be talking to ANYONE while I'm in the restroom anywhere.  I might take my phone in there to check facebook or read the newspaper ... but that's it.  


Farts?  yeah, lets talk about that.  It's a restroom.  It happens.  I try to camouflage by flushing the toilet.  Sometimes that works ... other times I don't have time, or don't expect it to be so loud.  (LOL)    I also flush multiple times if I have to poop -- which I try not to do in public, but sometimes again, we have no control.    I like those toilets that have the double flush option.   You know, push the lever up for liquid waste.  Push it down for solid. 

 I've tested it at several locations to see if the actual flush is different and they all sound the same to me.  It's supposed to be a water saving device.  Whether it works or not, I have no clue.  I just flush my waste.  Sometimes multiple times in the same sitting and I can't honestly tell if I make a conscious decision to go up or down or not.  


Cows probably don't either.  I don't see them scurrying across the field to find a spot to poop, like say .... our dogs do.  They just poop where they stand.  They even fart - LOUD.  And they don't care.   Cows probably think us people are weird.  They probably have conversations about it when they are standing around in the field or their pens chewing on their cud.   


A cow's biggest decision all day is whether or not he/she wants to just stay in the barn or got out into the field .... just like how we think about going to work or calling in sick and fretting about what field we need to put our data in. And when life stressed them out, they probably just go eat some more hay or corn -- just like how we head out for the vending machine.    About the only advantages cows have over people that I can see if not having to stand in front of the closet wondering what they are going to wear, or fussing with their furs, or slapping make up on their faces.