The holidays

I had some time to think about this the past 3 days.  While I was driving to work on Christmas Eve.  And the day after Christmas. 

Christmas Eve is over-rated.  

At least at my world it is … and maybe it’s because I don’t have kids and I’m turning into “that” ole lady that just sees everything in a different perspective.  And not that I’m bitter about it … but dang!  What else do we not get to look forward too in ole age?

As a kid, Christmas Eve had this kind of warm fuzzy glow about it.  I got to sleep in on what would normally be a “school day”.  And then, for the rest of the day, I did nothing but slouch around the house, helping out in the kitchen to bake cookies or prep for the “big” meal.  Or, go outside and sleigh ride, in the mountains of snow that my dad had built with his bobcat.  

Then the presents were all there taunting me, under the tree in their red and green wrapping paper … just begging me to rip them open. Quickly.  And maybe if I was lucky my mother would let me open one … but that was it, because Santa was coming and then I’d have a whole lot of presents to open the next day.

That “warm, out of focus” Christmas Eve experience pretty much ended when I started working.  First in public safety and then in retail -- all jobs that just go on no matter what day of the year it is.  And then I moved outside of the acceptable limit for a one day car ride – 6 hours one way – and I usually only had Christmas Day off, so it wasn’t worth my time to spend half my day in the car for a few moments of bliss. 

And maybe I just have a warped sense of what Christmas eve was for me because for most of my childhood, my mother worked for the school system and was off on Christmas Eve.  So she was home to do that baking and what-not on that day.  And most of my friend’s mom’s didn’t work … so they all had that same fuzzy wuzzy experience.  But what about those people that did have to work.  Like my dad... who was usually out with the snow plows on Christmas Eve … making sure the roads were clear for everyone else to enjoy their holiday.  Or my sister-in-law who spent nearly Christmas Holiday working at the hospital...even though she had lil ones at home?

So my view of what Christmas Eve is supposed to be is a little tarnished.  And now as an adult,  I’m not really sure what it should be... because in the 28 years that I’ve been a working class citizen, I’ve had to work on every Christmas Eve … with the possible exception of one.  So I don’t know what I should be doing on that day.   Other than running around like a freak trying to get everything done for Christmas day.

Like this year, I worked from 6:30 until noon when one of the big bosses came by my desk and told me I could go home – just seconds before I went to lunch.  But before he showed up … I actually had to work – a lot.  And I was starting to get a headache over it.  Then after I got off work, I went to the grocery store to get some items that my sister, (AKA resident chef) needed.  And that probably made my headache worse … because people were acting like freaks.  The parking lot was packed … and inside the store,  people were rushing around like the store wasn’t going to be open another day. Ever.   Even the cashier had a chip on her shoulder that she had to be there … and that’s when it became clearly obvious to me … hardly anyone says “happy holidays” anymore.    Not that I say it much either … but its Christmas... for crist sakes?  Should everyone be happy about it?   

Once I got home, I hung out with my sister for awhile as she slaved away in the kitchen and then I took a nap for like 40 minutes.  Then we ate dinner, opened presents, cleaned up and then I went to bed.  Christmas day was a fun chaotic day – where I ate too much, didn’t drink enough and ended up with aching feet.  But in a good way. 

For the most part I was happy about Christmas -- because to me, Christmas is about giving to others.  I do like to receive too, but I get most joy out of making others happy.  I bought all my girlfriends at work a 10 minute shoulder massage.    I put a couple of books and toys in the Toys for Tots collection bin. I bought two presents for old ladies in the Santa for a Senior campaign.  (one that tugged at my heart for days until I went back and got the ornament and bought the present – a red winter jacket).   I sent a huge package of shower gel/shampoo to a women’s shelter in Dubuque and I put probably $100 in the Salvation Army kettles. 

Not to mention that I overspent on my family members.  I tried to buy things that would leave a lasting impression with my family.   Like the quilt that I had made for my mom, or the legion jacket I got for my dad – even though he’ll probably never wear it – veteran stuff is really important to him right now.   Or the print that my sister has been bugging me about all year – that I spent way too much money getting framed and then had buyer’s remorse up until the second the wrapping was torn away.  Or the necklace for my too hard to buy for niece with her initial on it.  Or the pictures of my parents and grandparents that I put together for my nephew.   These things they will have for a lifetime ….    

And of course, I’ll have my kitchenaide mixer that I’ve been asking for, for 20 years and finally  got … (never mind the only reason I got it was because mom’s broke).  But in 20 years when I’m still using it...  this Christmas will stand out in my mind. 

I guess in retrospect, the excitement of Christmas is really about being a kid. I still want to believe in the mystery of Santa ... even at 46.   One of my co-workers told me this morning that her kids were up at 5:30 yesterday scoping out the presents -- she had only gone to bed a few hours later -- because she was playing Santa for her kids.  She said that her kids still believe that there really is a Santa -- because someone told them once that Santa is real in the hearts of millions of people  I guess that's what Christmas is for me -- even if I don't know how to act.  And quite honestly ...Christmas Eve must suck for every working parent … because god knows they have 8 gazillion things to do to get ready for that 30 minutes of wrapping paper ripping frenzy.  

So here it is the day after Christmas and I’m again at work.  Half of my department is on vacation and my account is closed until January 3^rd.  But I’m here … taking up my space. Writing my blog.   I haven’t had a new email come across my screen in 4 hours.   And just a few minutes ago, when I was perusing the newspaper – I saw a notice about Christmas Tree pick up.   Ugh .. so that’s it.  It’s all over.  

The day after Christmas sucks too.  

And don’t get me started on how much un-fun News Years Eve is getting to be.